CUSTOMER service!!!!

I wonder at what point did the service disappear from the term customer service? It seems as though most businesses could not give two flying flips about satisfying their customers. They are only concerned with getting your money, and meeting their bottom line. If you can't already tell I am slightly disgruntled .....Nay I say, I am downright miffed!! This past Wednesday I had a surreal conversation with my road side assistance representative. I will now regail you with this tale and take you on a journey into the absolutely absurd.

I was on my way home from school, listening to my radio, airconditioner on, and not a care in the world when all of a sudden......Pow!! I had blown a tire. I gently moved my car to the shoulder and began the tedious process of changing said flat tire. Now, I am not the most gifted person when it comes to auto repair, but I CAN change a tire.....or so I thought. After jacking up the truck and removing the tire from the hub I turned to go and retrieve the spare tire, when I heard a sound that made me nauseated......The truck fell off of the jack. I turned around to see my naked hub embedded in the gravel. Now I am not one who uses profanity as a regular part of his vocabulary, but I must tell you I was persuaded to engage in a barrage of four letter words. As I seriously contemplated setting my truck on fire a car pulled up and a man and a woman, with five teeth between them, got out and intelligently asked, "you got a flat tire". I said..."Nope, my wheel got a cramp and I raised it up to relieve the pressure.....Here's your sign. The woman had a cigarette with ashes that had not been flicked since she lit it and tatoo on her arm that said "Screw Me". Needless to say I was a little worried. After we were unable to get the jack under the truck they promptly got in their car and left, leaving me to my misery.

Suddenly I remembered that I had road side assistance.......the heavens parted and the angels sang. I promptly dialed the number and the poster child for mental retardation answered on the other line. Here is the transcript of my conversation with this lady. I will refer to myself as ME and the lady as DA for dumb assistant.

DA: This is AAA how may I help you
ME: Yes I have a flat tire and the truck has fell off of the jack....could you please send someone to help get it up so I can put my spare tire on?
DA: Where are you located sir?
ME: I am on 411 southbound in between Leesburg and Gadsden , just past the Turketown Rd Crossroads, and about a mile and a half from Gaston School.
*Great Land Marks ...right? WRONG!!
DA: Sir are you near the Meighan Blvd Bridge?
Me: No Ma'am that is about six miles up the road
DA: Sir are you in Rainbow City?
Me: NO you need to come back the other way
DA: Sir I can' t tell where you are at
Me: Ma'am do you have a map?
DA: Yes I do. I see Leesburg and I see Gadsden
Me: I am smack dab in the middle of the two
DA: Hold on and I will see if I can get someone out to you
*****I am on hold for ten minutes*****
DA: Sir I am sorry but I can't locate anyone to help you. Maybe I can try a company out of Gadsden.
**********I am angry now**************
Me: WHO HAVE YOU BEEN CALLING
DA: Birmingham
ME: MA'AM THEY ARE AN HOUR AND A HALF FROM WHERE I AM SITTING. YES, WHY DON'T YOU TRY GADSDEN
*******I am on hold again**********
DA: Sir I have someone and they can be with you in about 90 minutes.
ME: MA'AM LET ME EXPLAIN THE SITUATION TO YOU.....I AM STRANDED, THERE IS A MOTHER OF ALL THUNDERSTORMS APPPROACHING ME, AND I HAVE NO VISIBLE MEANS OF SHELTER HERE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF ROADSIDE ASSITSTANCE?
DA: Yessir I do
ME: NO I DON'T THINK YOU DO....I AM STRANDED AND YOU ARE FAILING TO ASSIST ME.
DA: Sir, I am sorry, but that is the best I can do. Why don't you call 911
ME: WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? SEND AN AMBULANCE TO TOW ME. THE ONLY THING THEY CAN DO IS THROW A SHEET OVER MY BLOODIED BODY AFTER I HAVE COMMITED SUICIDE BECAUSE YOU WON'T HELP ME.
DA: I am sorry sir.......click

About this time a gentleman pull up and offers some help, and with the help of his hydraulic jack we are able to put my spare tire on. Thank the Lord for people with common sense....because there are just not that many out there anymore.
So, I hope as a society we can somehow recover from this abyss of idiocy that we are sinking into, and bring back the concept of CUSTOMER service!!

I know, I know, I know...... If you are going to have a blog at least have the common courtesy to actually "blog" from time to time. Life has been a whirlwind of events over the last few weeks. I have officially began my job as the new head basketball coach at Gaylesville, and it is a constant barrage of things that need to be done, people that need to be called, and rooms that need to be cleaned. However, I would not trade this for all the tea in China....or Gallant which is a little closer to where I live.
I have been reading my brother Joshs' blog and have been swept into a time warp of memories and nostalgia. One of his recent blogs listed his six favorite action heroes of all time. While he is entitled to his opinion I hardly think that a person that plays "penny games" (A game in which only he knows the rules) can be trusted to compile a truly objective list. So, in an effort to provide some objectivity to the discussion here is my own list.

1. Darth Vader: Not really classified as a hero but a huge icon of the silver screen none the less. I don't care who you are no one can deny that Darth Vader is the baddest hombre this side of the sarlac pit. How many people do you know that can choke a man just by pincing two of his fingers togehter. Naturally he had a light sabre as a weapon, but come on....we all know that he did not really need it. It served as outfit decoration. So here's to you Lord Vader......you rock. And Capt. Nieda .....Who is your daddy?
2. Decepticons: For those of you that don't know these were the villans of the hallowed Transformers universe. Their hearts were as cold as the outer casings of their armor. Characters such as, Megatron, Soundwave(who had the coolest voice ever), Starscream, and the Destructicons. Always and forever the baddest robots in Cybertron.
3. Indiana Jones: This is more of a sentimental choice than anything else. When I was six years old my dad took me to my first "Late Show". We were going to see Raiders of the Lost Ark, but we could not go until my younger brother had gone to sleep. It seemed like it took him an eternity to go to sleep so that I could leave, when in reality it probably took about 15 minutes. I was so enthralled with the boldness of this professor of archeology that wielded a bull whip and six shooter revolver that I felt compelled to have my own whip....which I eventually got. Only someone with the cahones of Indiana Jones would, when challenged to a sword fight, shoot the man before the first blade was swung.
4. James Malone: Screen name taken by Sean Connery in the epic classic The Untouchables. He plaeyed the seasoned cop that was drawn into the bloodbath of the Chicago gangland during the days of Prohibition in the 1920's. He used his wits and intuition rather than his tommy gun to accomplish his goals. He was the unspoken tutor of Elliot Ness and the Untouchables. My favorite quote from that movie...."You want to know how to get Capone? He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone." Great Stuff!!
I could probably go on, but I will leave you to ponder the validity of this list, and possibly come up with your own.

Wild Musings and Rants of a Humorous Nature

I come to you today in much pain and discomfort. I had surgery yesterday on a bi-lateral hernia. Needless to say I feel like I have been mule kicked by a real government mule.
For those of you that do not know I was hired on as the Head Boys Basketball Coach at Gaylesville on Tuesday June 26. I cannot describe to you how excited and grateful I am for this opportunity. This is why I went into education....to someday have the opportunity to take over my own program. I know men that have been coaching for 15+ years and still have not had that chance. So to have only coached for five years and have this chance is a real blessing from the Father.
My son Tyler is very excited about his daddy going to Gaylesville. He has had somewhat of a difficult time wrapping his little brain around the notion that I will not be at Ashville this year. For some time he was quite distraught at the idea that I would not wear green when I coached. However, he has finally started to come around and he is excited about sitting on the bench with me at Gaylesville.
There are a few people that I would like to thank as I begin this new era in my life
1. My heavenly Father.....For always reassuring me that your hand of provision is always present and ever near
2. My wife Robin.....I could not do this type of work without your support. Being a coachs' wife takes a special breed of female, and Robin is wonderful support system. I love you with all of my heart.
3. David Elrod...You taught me more about being a head coach than anyone I have ever been associated with. You taught me how to deal people as well as teaching me the X's and O's
4. Van Owens....You are the one that first turned me on to the idea of coaching. Watching you for those years at Coosa lit a fire inside of me showing me that this is what I want to do.
5. My Family(Mom, Dad, Josh).....For always believing in me even when I doubted myself.


I know that there are many more that I need to thank, but I just can't remember you all. So to everyone that has had any influence in my life......Thank you and I love each one of you dearly.

God With You

Thank God for "young-uns"

Many of you that know me know that I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last three weeks. Recently I was offered the Head Basketball job at Gaylesville High School. However, as of today I have still not started my duties there......Let me fill you in

1. June 5---I am offered the job and accept
2. June 7---I meet with the basketball team at Ashville and tell them that I plan on accepting the job
3. June 12---Board is supposed to meet and vote on my reccomendation.....small problem with the wording of the original job posting so they decide to repost it for a week.
4. June 13---I am told to attend to camp with the basketball team at Gaylesville
5. June 14-16----I attend basketball camp with the boys and have a really great time getting to know them
6. June 19---Board decides not to meet this week due to vacations....it will be June 26 until I am voted in.

WHEW!!!!

Needless to say I am in quite the quagmire. I have not been approved at Gaylesville yet and the people at Ashville are putting pressure on me to hurry things along. I pray that all of this works itself out and I am at Gaylesville next week.

I said all of that to say this. Last night I was sitting on the couch and Tyler, my oldest --bestest boy in the whole world, comes up to me and says "Thank you for being my daddy". Right then and there my heart warmed up and for just the briefest of moments all of my problems washed away. So often I allow my mind to become drowned in the fear and thoughts of the enemy. I thank the Lord for the pure and unconditional love of my son. He does not care if I coach or not. All he cares about is that I am his daddy. Thank you God for this brief moment of serenity. Bring more......

God with you

Flashbacks and Flashforwards THE RETURN

I received a few comments on my most recent post regarding my younger brother and his weird recreation habits. This got me to thinking about my family in general, and I came to a very sobering conclusion......My whole family is weird. For a long time I thought that I was the only normal one to come out of the bunch.....a single phenomenon of sanity that was in the midst of crazy people. I was convinced that I was spirited, by gypsies, away from my family somewhere in the Hamptons and placed in this crazy place in Attalla. You think I exaggerate? Foolish people......

Where else will an argument ensue between your mother and grandmother over the misplacement of car keys only to find out they had been placed in the freezer.....Why wouldn't you look in the freezer for car keys?
Or have your younger brother take a Louisville Slugger to your bedroom door, hoping to separate your head from your neck just because you used his GI JOE's as targets for live ammo firecrackers.
Does this sound like a sane place to you? Let me tell you all......This was a great place to grow up. We did not always the most expensive clothes, the fanciest cars, or the newest toys, but I do not know of many homes in this world where there was more laughter than my home.

Where else does a dad manufacture a Christmas morning scavenger hunt where the booty is $100.00 "To be spent on anything we wanted"
Where else would you have a pictionary game where my younger brother would spout the answer "Omnee-potent".......(That's omnipotent)

I wrote all of this to say that I have found myself exhibiting some of the same characteristics that I classified as crazy

• sleeping with one leg outside the covers just to keep cool
• drinking from a gallon milk jug of water from the tap.....because it tastes better
• hiding in a dark hallway to scare my children as they creep down the hall
• taking walks on Christmas Eve because its the quietest night of the year

I guess by some people's standards this is crazy behavior, but I classify it as quite normal. If that makes me crazy.....So be it.

Thank you God for growing up in a crazy home!!

God With You

Flashbacks and Flash forwards

One of the great things about being a dad is that I get to see true innocence and honesty in their purest forms.....my children. I was watching my oldest son Tyler play with his toys the other day, and I was absolutely facinated. He had all of his Power Rangers out and they were involved in a top secret mission that would no doubt carry the fate of the free world on its outcome.
When I asked my son if I could play with him I was given a jolt that carried me back about 23 years. His reply....."No, daddy you don't know what they are all supposed to do."

Now, this may not mean much to many of you but to me I was immediately thrown back to my childhood bedroom in 1984. My younger brother Josh was an avid collector of GI Joe toys (Not the realistic soldiers, but the REAL AMERICAN HERO......YO JOE!!) He would pull all of his toys out and create a complete military universe that had the defenders of truth, GI Joe, pitted against the most diabolical terrorist group ever known......COBRA. His play sessions must have included multiple plots, themes, story lines, and circus animal that were intricately woven to form a cohesive story. Because, when I would ask him if I could play his immediate reply would be...."Don't be stupid you don't know what everyone is supposed to do."

This was only one of many things that existed in my brother's warped imagination....which by the way I am convinced was created as a direct result of being exposed to gamma rays from watching too much Brady Bunch(Didn't know that was one of his favorite shows did you?) Here are a few more examples of what a strange individual my brother is

1. The Penny Game....This was a game that was played with dozens of pennies poured out on the hearth of the fire place. Only Josh knew the rules.

2. Blue Man....This was Joshua's super hero that wore a BLACK cape and carried a yellow wiffle bat appropriately named EXCALI-BAT. Do I need to point out the obvious that there was absolutely no blue in his outfit? He would lay on his belly in the hall and crawl along the floor and grab the leg of the nearest human and gleefully declare..."Blue Man loves legs".

3. His afternoon snacks of Hostess Apple Pies and Gatorade.....Yummy.

My brother and I did not always see eye to eye on everything, but I am truly grateful for one thing he taught me. Anything can contain an adventure.....if you only can imagine.


God With You

Well, as I sit here today writing you, I was offered the head boys basketball job at Gaylesville High School yesterday. I cannot tell you what a relief this is for me. I went into education so that I would have the opportunity to be a head coach at some point, and after five years of working as an assistant.....I finally get my shot. I am unable to express my excitement about this opportunity....so pray for me as I begin this new leg of my journey.

Anyone that knows me knows that I have never had things come easy for me. I was never the biggest, fastest, strongest, or most talented at anything I have ever done. However, that never stopped me from trying to achieve my goals. I have always believed that God had specific plans laid out for me, and all of those things mentioned above would never deter those plans. I have always had to work harder than some to reach my objectives, but I must tell you that when they are reached the feeling is quiet relieving. To know that, in spite of obstacles in front of me, God has equipped me to be successful in my attempts to climb any mountain before me. That is not to say that my journey has not been without falls and failures, but I have always hung on to His promise that He knows the plans He has for me.

So, as I begin my venture into being a head coach I say thank you Father for always reminding me of your promise.

God With You